Adoption Vocabulary

Yes, adoption comes with its very own vocabulary! If you were anything like me before we started the adoption process, you may not know how to tactfully speak on the subject. Our words reflect our values and emotions. They wound or heal, alienate or educate. When we share our exciting news to others it can be uncomfortable as people stumble for the right words to say. Here is a list that may help you...

Rather than…                                   We suggest…

Real parent (s)                                  Birthparent (s), Birthmother, Birthfather
Natural parent (s)                            Biological parent (s)
Unwed mother                                 Single parent
Real child                                          Birthchild
Illegitimate child                              Child of unmarried parents
Put up for adoption                         Make an adoption plan
Give up for adoption                       Choose adoption
Is adopted                                         Was adopted
Keep a child                                      Parent a child
Hard to place child                          Child with special placement needs
Unwanted pregnancy                     Unplanned, unintended, or untimely pregnancy
Find parents                                     Search for birthparents
Foreign adoption                             Intercountry adoption
Adoptee                                            Someone who was adopted
“Gotcha Day”                                  Family Day of Adoption Day

Here is also a small list of ideas I received from this website, http://library.adoption.com/articles/adoption-language-promoting-a-positive-image.html
Credits: Sandra Hayden-Dowling, MSW

1) As in the case of race or gender, the fact a person was adopted should be mentioned only if it is absolutely essential to the story. If it is mentioned, the relevance must be clear in the context of the story.

2) Mentioning adoption when it is not relevant wrongly implies a separate category of family relationship. Adoption is a legal event, not an immutable personal trait.

3) An adopted person's parents (those who are raising the child) should be referred to simply as father, mother or parents. The man and woman who shared in the child's conception can be referred to as the birth, genetic or biological parents (not "real" or "natural" parents, etc.) We are the child's parents.

4) The media should avoid terms such as "abandoned" or "given up," both for accuracy and sensitivity reasons. It usually is inaccurate to refer to children available for adoption as orphans. In many cases, the birth parents are alive.

5) Children also should not be referred to as abandoned or unwanted, unless they were actually found abandoned. Sociological or legal factors often force birth parents to relinquish their parental rights and make a child available for adoption; that is very different from abandoning them or "giving them up." In the interest of accuracy, birth parents can be said to have placed the child for adoption, made an adoption plan, made them available for adoption, or transferred parental rights.

6)The reason why people adopt is not usually relevant to a story. Infertility often plays a role, but so do other factors, and many adopt simply because this is a joyful way to make a family. Language suggesting that parents "couldn't have a baby of their own" is inaccurate. These children are our own by law and by love. Such language suggests adoption is second best, and that can be hurtful. *** I feel very strongly about this one! Never will my child be "second best". He/she is God's best for us. The child God gives to us is completely planned and CHOSEN! :) I do not want my child being referred to as the "adopted child". No, he/she is MY child! :) Ok, sorry....I have very strong feelings and opinions and I don't think you should make distinguishing remarks about how a child became part of a family. God chooses different ways to build families. Enough said...

7) The phrase "a child of their own" is an inappropriate reference to birth children.